It Is GOOD...

I remember growing up in Chicago, Illinois. The youngest of 7 children, daddy's girl and also the 4th of 4 girls. As I grew a little older, I noticed some things about my sisters and me that were somewhat different, by comparison, but we were all girls; we came from the same set of parents and we all shared the same room. Bunk beds in the corner for Michelle and me; Marva right next to us and then Deb in the other corner of the room. It seems strange now to consider that we were all able to sleep in the same room and much worse, share the same tiny closet, but we grew up that way. It was all we knew and it became a natural and normal way of life. It never seemed cramped to me, but then again, I was the youngest and smallest of the others, so experiencing this through the eyes of young adults like my sisters, must have been altogether different, but I can only imagine.

What I do remember most is that in Chicago everyone pretty much looked the same, we all had brown skin though some were lighter or darker than others. We all had kinky or nappy hair, though some seemed to have "the good stuff" as opposed to others; but for the most part there was no real comparison. As a matter of fact, even in my school, there were things that I simply did not notice because everyone around me was virtually the same as me, give or take a few pounds here or a few inches there.

So, what is the significance of comparison?

Just before my 11th birthday, my dad accepted a job transfer to a very far away place. It was nothing like Chicago at all. As a matter of fact, I don't believe I knew I was Black or that there were different races of people in the world until we moved to Mesa, Arizona!

OMG! Nobody looks like me! Nobody has nappy hair! What! What happened to the commercials? WGN News? We're not even on TV! What is this?

This is called...culture shock!

My eyes were opened to an entirely new dimension in time. I remember one of my sisters literally applauding as we drove around the city, each time she saw someone who resembled "us".

Not long after we settled in, it was time to register for school. Praise God that my first year at school would be spent directly across the street from my house, but my insecurity was even closer than that.

I went from an all black school, to being the only black female in the school. Thank God for one other black student who was a boy and one grade behind me, but wow, I had nothing in common with anyone!

First I didn't really "get it" that I was black, especially after fitting in with the kids in Chicago, now I'm not only black but even I KNOW THAT I'M BLACK!!! My skin was different, the way I dressed was different, my body structure was different! My nose was BIG! My lips were BIG! To top it off, I was wearing a "C" Cup at the time and even that was BIG in an all white school! I was teased and called Dolly Parton of all things! To make matters worse, their hair was long or at least at the shoulders, it moved whenever they did even slightly and unfortunately, I hadn't really noticed this until...

I was wearing my hair in the classic "little black girl way", you know, parted down the middle, from front to back, with one french braid (as we called it in Chicago)on each side, but I came to understand that the technical term was a corn row. Whatever it was I had it on each side of my head, joined in the back! Well, I looked really cute when I left the house one morning, and then...it happened...one of the "mean girls" says, OMG, do you have any idea what your hair looks like right now? All eyes are on me or should I say, my head, and I'm thinking, "Duh, it's french braids!" But before I could finish the thought my sub-conscience and self-conscience had teamed up and reached up to touch my beautiful quaff, only to find out that my braids were no longer french and didn't look anything like rows of corn, but yet unraveled and defying gravity! In other words...sticking out of my head in whatever position they unraveled in! No, it wasn't laying on my shoulders like unraveled braids do when your hair is a different texture, but just suspended in the air!

I can only imagine my facial expression then, but it only got worse. How about, I didn't know how to french braid! My sister had braided my hair for me...Ok, aaaand I didn't have a comb! Or brush! And WHO WOULD I BORROW FROM???

I had to look like a complete idiot the rest of the day. If you could have seen my head when I finally got home to face a mirror! I vowed never to french braid my hair again...and to this day!!!

I have never felt so humiliated, inferior or insecure in my entire life. In that moment I had adopted an inferiority complex which would stay with me for years. I tried to fight it and even hide behind my intelligence. I was always smart and that was the one thing that made me acceptable to others who were "supposed" to be. You see, it was unusual for black people to be smart, we were "supposed" to be unintelligent or at least labeled as such, so the fact that I was anything but, was somewhat of a "cool" thing within certain circles. It gave me acceptance in ways that most black people didn't get. But on the inside I was imagining myself with lighter skin and hair that moved. I was not secure in just being who I was, I felt like I didn't belong. I truly felt like an outsider, like the ugly duckling, or the BLACK STEPCHILD...ok, let alone red headed! I would have given anything to have just had red hair! But no! I was black.

So I always felt insecure and unfinished. I felt like something was missing and that I was never going to measure up to a certain impossible standard.

I had no idea "who" I was on the inside! I had no idea that I was fearfully and wonderfully made...and if I'm being honest, though I'm saved, sanctified and filled with the Spirit of the Lord, there are those times when I look at me and feel like I didn't get a fair spin on the Potter's Wheel. But, I have come to know that those demons of insecurity and inferiority are what causes us to compare ourselves to others and not believe the word of the Lord in a way where we are convinced and assured, secure and superior in Him!

Jesus was one hundred percent secure in knowing Who He Is therefore satan could not tempt him with the things of this world. Satan got the word, "in his face" whenever he tried to tempt Jesus. There was no insecurity in Him. The superiority of God in Him gave Him the strength to defeat the tempter even after He had fasted 40 days. There was no inferiority in Him! If Eve had been more secure in God, would she have allowed satan to beguile her? Eve told the serpent what God had said, in Genesis Chapter 3, verse 3 but then allowed him to sow doubt in the very next instance in verse 4.

3...God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

4...And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

Can you imagine her thinking at this point? "What? Why would God say that if it isn't true?" Even though she told him what God said, Eve was not secure in knowing that God cannot lie; the enemy tapped into that vein of insecurity and fed her an untruth. Because she had no real security in what she knew God had said, the enemy was able to trip her up. After that, he went in for the kill in verse 5...

...For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

When the enemy told her that God was simply holding out on her and didn't want her to be "like god" knowing good from evil, she felt inferior and wanted to obtain a higher status, not knowing that she was already superior even to satan in that moment. Therefore, the trickster won as she took the bait and the bite. There were the seeds of insecurity and inferiority sown, which still curse us to this day! What are we comparing ourselves to others for when we were made in the image and likeness of the Almighty God!

I get it now! I too had taken the bait and the bite. When my hair unraveled, so did my security and confidence in just being who I was. When the enemy used that girl to say, OMG, do you have any idea what your hair looks like right now; even though I reached up and touched it and felt that it was unraveled or disheveled, my response should have been, "Yes, just as it should!"

I didn't know the Lord at that time in grade school. But I know that those seeds were sown then and I carried them with me right into my adult life, right into my saved life. Those demonic spirits stayed on board even through salvation, sanctification, deliverance and the like. When we don't know what spirits have a hold on us they remain nestled inside. They take up residence in us and they operate almost in an undercover way. But, the Lord will not have us ignorant of satan's devices! Of that I am assured! I get it now! These devices have names. They are called Insecurity and Inferiority and they have been joined together much like the intertwining of the corn rows which used to adorn my head and join in the back. But this day, I declare they are permanently unraveled and disheveled. But they are not defying gravity and suspended in the air, yet cut off, fallen to the ground and trampled underfoot! I renounce Insecurity and Inferiority in Jesus' Name!

This day, I am on a personal quest to see myself through the eyes of God. In Him there is no comparison! When He made me, my big nose, my big lips, my full hips, and nappy hair He looked at the finished work and said, "It Is GOOD!"

Recommended reading: "Satan's Dirty Little Secret" by Steve Foss